Conventional wisdom says being a leader is all about managing others. Leaders set expectations, delegate responsibility, and reward or punish performance and outcomes.
Leadership coaching experts know there’s more to it than that. Effective leaders are willing to look inside and reflect on their values, thoughts, and behavior—even when it’s uncomfortable. They care about how others perceive them, and they ask for feedback because they know open communication is vital for building trust.
In short, effective leaders are self-aware.
Keep reading to learn why self-awareness is so important, what the research tells us, and how to cultivate this important skill.
WHAT IS SELF-AWARENESS?
The definition of self-awareness depends on who you ask. Some describe it as an understanding of who we are and how we’re different from others. The dictionary defines it as “conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.” You might define it differently yet.
Dr. Tasha Eurich’s in-depth research on self-awareness shows there actually two primary types of self-awareness: internal and external.
Internal self-awareness is how a person sees their own feelings, values, behaviors, strengths and weaknesses, and impact on others. Research shows that people who have a strong sense of internal self-awareness tend to be happier in their jobs and relationships.
External self-awareness is a person’s ability to understand how others view them. External self-awareness is strongly correlated to empathy. When we’re aware of how others view us it’s easier to see things from their perspective.
Being strong in one type of self-awareness does not make a person strong in the other. Yet, both are important.
Eurich uncovered four self-awareness archetypes, based on her research.
Introspectors have high internal self-awareness but low external self-awareness—they know who they are but don’t actively seek feedback from others or challenge their own views.
Seekers have low internal self-awareness and low external self-awareness—they’re not confident about who they are or how others see them; this can lead to frustration at work and in relationships.
Pleasers have high external self-awareness but low internal self-awareness—they are so focused on how they appear to others that they don’t develop a strong sense of self and they often overlook their needs.
Aware individuals have both high internal self-awareness and high external self-awareness—they know who they are and understand how others view them; they actively seek feedback from others.
You probably recognize yourself in one of these archetypes. Kudos to you if you most closely align with the “aware” style (it’s worth noting that the four archetypes appear to map closely to the four attachment styles—another potentially interesting area to explore).
WHY SELF-AWARENESS IS IMPORTANT
People who know themselves (internal self-awareness) and understand how others see them (external self-awareness) tend to be happier and more successful. They also tend to be better leaders.
Self-aware individuals tend to make sounder decisions and communicate more effectively. They also tend to be more confident. Research backs up these claims.
In one study, participants who had a higher degree of self-awareness performed better on decision-making tasks when coupled with clearly defined goals.
Self-awareness pays off in the business world, too. Another study found that self-aware managers improved net profits and return on investment for their employers.
It makes sense—if you know yourself, your values, and how others see you, you’re more likely to navigate relationships and negotiations with confidence and empathy.
HOW TO CULTIVATE IT
Learning self-awareness is an ongoing process. Here are some tried-and-tested ways to become more self-aware.
Ask for feedback
Most people believe they are self-aware. Yet, Eurich found that only 10%-15% of the more than 5,000 people she and her team studied actually fit the criteria for self-awareness.
The more power a person holds, the more they tend to overestimate their skills. One reason could be that the more power a person wields, the less comfortable others are giving the leader feedback—they may fear it will hurt them in some way.
This is why asking for feedback from your employees is so important. It can help you understand how others perceive you and identify blind spots. It also gives those with less real or perceived power “permission” to share their thoughts and opinions—and air their grievances.
Just make sure you have a formal process in place so that people feel comfortable and safe sharing. Consider hiring an executive coaching services provider to help map out a program.
Also ask for feedback from people in your life you trust. It may sting a bit, but look at it as an opportunity to grow.
Take tests to understand your personality traits
From the Big Five to Myers-Briggs to the Predictive Index, psychometric tests are a scientifically sound way to identify your personality traits. There are no right or wrong answers on these tests. They’re simply designed to help you uncover traits like extroversion, dominance, patience, agreeableness, and open-mindedness.
If you have a hard time tapping into your emotions or find the process of self-assessment challenging, psychometric tests can help you uncover why. Understanding which of your core traits drive your decisions and shape your attitude can help you become more self-aware—and more successful.
Ask what, not why
One of Eurich’s key research findings is that introspection alone doesn’t equal self-awareness. She found that highly self-aware people asked “what” five times more than “why.”
Asking why (e.g., “Why does this person seem uncomfortable around me?”) can lead to unhelpful ruminating. Instead, try asking “What am I doing that makes this person uncomfortable, and what can I do to improve the situation?”
“What” questions are empowering and future focused.
Expand your emotional vocabulary
Many people fear emotions. Growing up we might have been taught that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. Or we might have had traumatic experiences where our emotions were dismissed or invalidated. How many of us grew up hearing things like “Suck it up” or “Don’t be a baby”?
The truth is that emotions serve a purpose. They let us know when something is wrong (or right) so we can take appropriate action.
Expanding your emotional vocabulary can help you build emotional literacy. There are tens of thousands of words in the English language that describe different emotions. Identifying emotions, even subtle ones, can help you become more self-aware.
Try this exercise: Write down emotions you feel throughout the day. You might feel stressed while driving to work, nervous before a presentation, relaxed while driving home, or proud of your daughter’s performance on an exam. Jot down the specific emotion you felt, how intense it was, and notice how your body feels.
If a particular emotion was intense, keep digging. What other emotions did you feel? For example, if you felt frustrated with your coworker for not getting a report in on time, maybe you also felt worried that missing the deadline would make your team look bad.
Print out a list of emotions to help you precisely identify what you’re feeling, or use Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions.
Meditate
Meditation can reduce stress and anxiety, strengthen attention span, and improve mood. Certain types of meditation, including self-inquiry meditation, can also improve self-awareness. Through meditation you can learn to recognize self-defeating or harmful thoughts, similar to cognitive behavioral therapy.
On the other hand, certain types of meditation help decrease activity in the default mode network (DMN), the “me” center of the brain responsible for mind-wandering, which is associated with worrying and ruminating.
Self-awareness is the effective leader’s superpower. Use these tried-and-tested tools as a starting point. For additional guidance, consider getting support from a leadership coaching expert.
