I spent most of my career “getting it done.” I was always very dutiful. Responsible, engaged, hard driving, dedicated. I focused on doing a good job, making enough money, and investing it correctly to retire at a desirable age. I bought the most efficient car, the house that was the best real estate investment, and stayed current on the latest fashion. I got the right haircut, clothes and makeup to fit perfectly into my organization and dressed for success—you know, one level higher than you are—so you are positioning yourself to be promoted….yep, I did all that. I stayed up on the latest technology and traveled the word teaching leaders to manage conflict, give feedback, present with confidence, and do strategic planning.
Then one day it all fell apart. I got fired.
Humbled, embarrassed and devastated, I recovered slowly and crawled my way back to corporate America, eventually becoming a successful individual contributor again, and I got enough money to achieve a childhood dream. I got a horse.
I was one of those little girls that had horse posters everywhere, horse statues in my bedroom, read all the horse books, and went to all the horse movies. Horses were magical to me. They still are. So I found my perfect horse. His name was Echo. I had the right trainer help me find him, the perfect place to board him, and made sure I had the skill to ride him. When Echo was unloaded from the trailer I cried with joy. Then I ran to him.
My horse ran too. Away. Far and fast. Every time I tried to approach him, he ran away farther.
You see, I was a doer. I lived my life foisting myself upon the world and demanding acceptance. Well, it turns out, Echo wasn’t about to let anyone foist anything upon him—including love. He would only let me approach and connect with him if he felt safe, respected and supported. I had to stop and listen to him first.
Thus began my journey to learn how to connect, how to observe, how to be soft, and how to tap the courage and intuition and wisdom I had always had, yet had buried long ago in my quest to climb and be and do what I was supposed to do in my dutiful life.
I am so grateful Echo came into my life before it was too late.
Horse are magical to me. They are mysterious and beautiful and majestic. They emanate this beautiful paradox of independence and connection, strength and vulnerability, softness and independence. The smell of a horse, the softness of its coat, the beauty of its eyes, and that long nose, with the ears pointed at me still touches my heart and makes me cry. My heart. My horse.
It will never get old, it will never be scientific to me. I will learn all I can to help my horse be healthy, move well, and have the best possible life I can give. And at the end of it all, I will still stand in awe of the majestic, beautiful wise, and eternal soul on four legs before me. No, it will never get old.
The softest velvet nose, the whiskers and the sweet nicker of welcome. The gentle, patient waiting by the gate as I get the lead rope ready…no, it will never get old.
For me horses will never be a chore, they will never be a problem, they will never be a responsibility. They are miraculous gift I am honored and blessed to have.
Any horse that comes into my life is a gift beyond measure.
I am happier with horses than humans. I hope to die on horseback or in a pasture somewhere where the horse hearts and souls can find me and guide me where I need to go. I know I can trust them. The velvet of their noses, the softness of their breath, the brightness of their ears pointing every which way—I always want them to be forward toward the future, and hopefully toward me.
These writings emerged from my slow evolution to connecting my head, heart, and core, and my stop-and-go efforts to integrate clarity, connection, and courage.
I have been amazed at how similar the stories are to others who have embarked upon the journey to explore all of their wisdom and knowledge, and seek to bring all of themselves not just to work, but to life. I hope you find value here for your own journey.
Watch for my upcoming book with excerpts from my blog and more coming this spring.
